Quetzalcoautwalrus, the Feathered Pinniped, gently floats beneath the boughs of the Harikag. Its skin fluctuates across each of the 89 colors of the 13 secret rainbows, and its feathered frill gently sways in the winds of time. Its massive tusks dangle, pointing to the root of tree and the center of reality. It has always been, and will always be. It contemplates, and ponders. It ruminates and incorporates. It knows nothing and understands all.

Those who do Quetzalcoautwalrus honor know that, when facing a difficult dilemma, one can leave a coconut at the foot of their bed when sleeping and awake refreshed and with a fresh insight into their troubles.

It does not provide its dedicates with unique spells, but will ensure any bonded to it know the following spells: Level 1 – Color Spray, Level 2 – ESP, Level 3 – Fly.

Invoke Patron Spell Check Results

  • 12-13 – Quetzalcoautwalrus encourages his disciple to ruminate. +1d4 bonus to both Personality and Intelligence for 1 hour.
  • 14-17 – The Briny Braniac elevates himself and the universe around it. The caster and 1d3 other targets fly at a speed of 10’ for 1d3 turns.
  • 18-19 – Such a lovely bunch of coconuts! As the Feathered Odobenus meditated beneath the world-tree, he feasted upon the oysters of the wood: let similar blessings shower upon you. A rain of coconuts showers everywhere within 30’ of the caster, doing 1d2 damage to every target (including allies) beneath it and producing a trip hazard.
  • 20-23 – The Napper Cosmic believes any important decisions must be slept on: the caster and up to 1d3 targets will fall into a supernatural sleep for 1d2 hours: before that, the other targets will only wake when the caster wakes, and the caster can only be woken after passing a DC 15 Will Save.
  • 24-27 – Solemn contemplation is not good for the figure. The caster grows in size as if he were the target of Enlarge were cast with a check of 20 for 1d4 turns. (+4 bonus to attack, damage, AC, +10 bonus HP)
  • 28-29 – The Navelgazer Supreme understands that careful thought begets careful thought. The caster receives 2d6 points that they may allocate to their allies’ Personality and Intelligence and 1d10 Luck points that may be used by the party. These bonuses last until the next sunrise.
  • 30-31 – The Chubby Serpent knows well the paths leading to and from the underworld. The next time the caster is slain, he will immedialy return to life within 1d3 rounds (suffering the other ill effects of Recovering the Body pg 93).
  • 32+ – The Master of Mystic Mindfulness shudders in revelation! Understanding overwhelming is conferred! Hyponotic pulsing surrounds the caster: treat this result as if Color Spray were cast with a check of 20, affecting every target (including allies) within 40’. (Sv. vs. Blinded, Sv. vs Unconsciousness. < 2HD fail automatically. Lasts 1d4 rounds. Sightless creatures immune.)

Patron Taints

  • 1 – The caster physically prepares to endure generations of medidation and grows a thick coat of blubber, gaining 25% of their weight. The second time this result is rolled, this increases to 50% of their (initial) weight: the caster gains +1 AC, but none of their clothing or armor fits comfortably any more: conferring a 1 die step penalty on any checks made until more suitable clothes or armor is donned. The third time this result is rolled, this increases to 100% of their (initial weight): the caster gains an additional +1AC, but suffers a 1 die step penalty on all Agility and Reflex checks, in addition to needing another wardrobe change.
  • 2 – Transcendental understanding illuminates all: the caster’s spells always generate multicolored paisley swirls. The second time this result is rolled, the caster pulses with multiple colors while casting and concentrating on a spell. The third time this result is rolled, the caster and the swirls generated as much light as a lantern.
  • 3 – The caster’s neck becomes multicolored, fluctuating randomly. The second time this result is rolled, the colors change and reflect the caster’s mood. The third time this result is rolled, the caster’s neck grows a large frill that flares out when the caster is excited.
  • 4 – The caster’s upper canine teeth grow large enough to be visible even when their mouth is closed and grant a 1d3 Bite attack. The second time this is rolled the teeth grow large enough to be called tusks and the Bite becomes 1d6 damage and makes speaking tricky. The third time this is rolled, the Bite attack becomes a 1d8 Gore attack and imposes a 1 step dice chain penalty to social persuasion checks.
  • 5 – The caster casts off the shackles of worldly burdens: the caster floats a few inches above the ground. The second time this result is rolled, this becomes a full foot above the ground. The third time, this becomes 6 feet above the ground. This does not confer Feather Fall or anything like that.
  • 6 – The caster grows ever more introspective: every time a spell is cast, the caster temporarily loses 1 point of Personality or Intelligence (randomly determined) until the next sunrise. The second time this result is rolled, the loss becomes 1 point of Personality and Intelligence. The third time, all losses persist until the next sunrise after the last time a spell was cast.

Spellburn Results

  • 1 – Goo goo g’joob – Quetzalcoautwalrus requires the caster’s erudition: the caster loses the ability to speak and can, at best, only communicate with baby talk for 1d7 days. This might prove a problem if attempting to cast another spell subsequently.
  • 2 – Meditation is celebration – The caster must hop, wiggle, gyrate, and shake their belly like an ecstatic toddler full of cake instead of moving for 1d3 rounds.
  • 3 – One must endure to understand – The caster may not spellburn physical attributes, and may only spellburn Intelligence and Personality while casting this spell.
  • 4 – At last, understanding! The caster experiences a profound revelation: and is unable to act for 2d3 rounds as they contemplate this new truth.


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